single and not looking...eh?

Single and sure.

A letter written by Bibi Sabariah of Rembau.

As a mother of a 29-year-old daughter who is single (and lethal, as she likes to put it), I read That dreaded ‘M’ word (Weekender, Jan 3) with a chuckle.

I think all parents, especially mothers wish the best for their children, particularly their daughters, as they are the ones who get bombarded with the “M word”.

Indeed, while I would like to see my only daughter settle down with her own knight-in-shining-armour (not that she is in need of any rescuing, mind you), I think it’s much more important for her to be content and fulfilled with her own life, albeit being single, in a relationship or married.

I object to the writer’s mother who is “not proud of having an unmarried daughter living with her”, as I feel mothers should support their daughters.

My daughter has actually asked me several times whether I am ashamed or embarrassed that she hasn’t tied the knot yet, especially since her younger brother recently got married. And inevitably, friends, relatives and guests at the wedding kept asking me when her turn was coming.

My reply to my daughter would always be point-blank “Never”, and my response to all the prying minds would be: “When she’s ready.”

I really wonder why people assume the roles of being nosy-parkers and busy-bodies when it comes to other people’s children?

Although I am worried about my daughter living on her own in the city, I trust that she knows what is best for her. I like to believe that I have raised her well and that she’s more than capable of taking care of herself.

As my daughter’s perspective of life is similar to the writer’s friend: “To be single and happy, and not married and miserable” — I wish all mothers understand their daughters’ feelings more. It’s crucial for them to know that we’ll back them no matter what.

____________________________________________________________

It used to be simple when filling in online forms. Married or Single.

Now. Well, what can I say. Married. Married but available. Married and looking. Single. Single but not available. Single but not looking. In a relationship. In a relationship but available. In a relationship but looking. Hmm...

Being a non traditionalist, I have to agree with Ms Sabariah's stand. It's no longer what we as parents want. It's not important what the relatives want. And what society wants is a non-issue. It's always what them daughters want. And being non traditionalists themselves, well, I could almost see what's coming.

This period of them girls being teenagers, easily impressed and experimenting, is the one where we as parents should be playing our parts correctly. As a friend, partner, motivator, counsellor and of course when the need arises, a disciplinarian.

It always troubled me when reading news in them papers about juvenile delinquents and delinquencies. Will them girls sway to the dark side? Will they one day get mixed up with the wrong crowd?

And how on earth did that crowd became bad? And I'm talking about bad and destructive crowd of young adults whom are bordering on the criminal here. Not the post modern, non traditionalist crowds who are having fun and not disturbing anyone. Maybe irritating some of them more conservative and religious section of our society. Total parental neglect? Education? Too much time on their hands? And nothing much to do. Too much or too little money? Class distinction? Social rejection? Them kids and young adults are way forward in their thinking for the majority of our conservative Asian society? Clash of cultures? Foreign influences? But them Americans and British complain about their destructive young too. Are them westerners that bad or are we just pointing fingers? Methinks a large majority of them westerners are way polite and cultured than us supposedly charming Asians. So what is wrong with them youths? What or who is poisoning them minds? Or is it just a phase of life that we should not be too overly concerned? We were young and rebellious once. But the line between what is bad and what is just a phase of life and being rebellious is a tad gray if you asked me.

Parenting is always a gamble. This is no exact science that can be tested in a lab with predictable results. It could to a point but there is too much external factors, too many what ifs, too many unpredictability. And then there is of course for us Muslims, Qada' and Qadar.

Guess I just have to read and reread all them How To Be A Good Parent books, Islamic and conventional and just give them girls unconditional love and support, with lots of Doa in between. And hope to live to see them be their independent selves.

Hopefully no and/or nor buts. Just happily married. Or happily single.

Image nicked from Piraro's